Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
