I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
