Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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