A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
