I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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