You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
