My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
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