i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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