dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
