cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
