My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
