I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
