Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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