imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
