There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
