dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
