Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
