You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She said her name was "party"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
