Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
