he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
