The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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