so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
