Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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