yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you mean i was at the winter classic?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
