I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
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