dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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