maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
