I bet he comes in French.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
