Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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