North Korea, Best Korea!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
