Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
