I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
