No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
