Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
