Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
