I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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