is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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