Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
