I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
