Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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