its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
