Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
the day after is always just damage control
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
