I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
