I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
