Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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