I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
