u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
