I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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