my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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