hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
