True but thats because hes a fetus.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
