If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
