I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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